Argoman aka The Incredible Paris Incident 1967 ** 1/2

Dir: Sergio Greico

Stars: Roger Browne, Dominique Boschero, Edoardo Fajardo

Argoman, Argoman, does whatever an Argo can. And he's got radioactive...cigarettes? Yes, one of the ingenious devices the hero of this film carries is a tiny geiger counter which can track a person that has smoked one of the radioactive cigarettes he offers them. Best of all, however, is his power of telekenesis which turns out quite useful for either getting out of a trap, making an aircraft crash, or in one case, literally picking up chicks. In his civilian identity as Sir Reginald, he pulls an attractive girl off a hovercraft and into his swinging lair, where, rather than waste time with normal wooing procedures, he challenges her to an archery contest; if she wins she gets a Rolls Royce and some emeralds, if she loses than she gets to be another of suave Sir Reginald's conquests. She loses, naturally, prompting Reggie's allegedly Indian manservant to point out Argoman's one weakness - for six hours after an act of love, he will completely lose his powers.

In many films the "MacGuffin" is a large jewel, and it is no different here, in fact it is a jewel about the size of a pumpkin which also has an interesting power - if a laser beam is passed through it, things nearby will be rendered soft and pliable. According to nervous scientists discussing the jewel, this could have limitless applications. I'll take their word for it.

It's not long before a beautiful but evil woman - who as it happens is the very one Reginald slept with earlier - has an army of ominously clad henchman steal the jewel and, just for fun, strap Argoman's new girlfriend to a table and leave a giant robot slowly advancing on her. Fortunately Argoman leaps to the rescue.

The film has some unique aspects among superhero films, perhaps the most unique being that, while Argoman is willing to put his powers to use for the good of the world, he is also apparently an actual jewel thief. Well, we can't all be born billionaires, and makes him a bit different from the usual Batman wannabe - in fact, in the more recent comics this is much how Catwoman is portrayed, goodhearted jewel thief.

The actors in it are lively and the hero's powers are very amusing. Roger Browne is actually quite a capable leading man. It's slowed somewhat by a few longish, talky, scenes, but the campy action, costumes, and the almost non-stop groovy soundtrack - with upbeat perfume ad-style vocals - definitely push it along.

Speaking of Italian movie soundtracks of the sixties and seventies, a topic never far from my mind, a friend recently turned me on to this band from Milan, who make great soundtrack style instrumentals.

They Came From Beyond Space 1967 **

Dir: Freddie Francis Stars: Robert Hutton, Jennifer Jayne, Michael Gough

I hate to say it but this is a case where the poster is better than the movie (I plan to discuss how movies compare to their posters when I get around to reviewing Terrornauts). But the movie is okay, as long as you think of it more as an extended English episode of Outer Limits than an actual feature.

Plot has hero Hutton not being affected by alien mind control because he has a steel plate in his head, which leaves him to investigate a phenomenon attacking his scientific colleagues including the woman he loves, portrayed by the very pouty-lipped Jennifer Jayne.



The scenes where mind control takes over are fun, because suddenly there is an explosion of groovy, jazzy music. As Hutton investigates he finds a secure compound the mind-controlled are working at with all sorts of suspicious whatnot taking place. When he starts getting too close to the secret, he gets zapped by some alien type zappers, which apparently cause him to pass out and wake up to see this:


This of course only makes him want to investigate further, leading him into the compound where he uncovers what appear to be frozen bodies. He basically kidnaps his girlfriend, still possessed as she is by aliens, only he has now figured out how to get the bad presence out, and that the way to keep it out is by having people wear pots on their head.


This all leads to a pretty interesting ending, as he stows away on a craft being sent nightly to the moon from the compound, where he discovers the secret of the aliens, as revealed by the Nimoy-esque Michael Gough, who would later play Alfred for four Batman films.



This is the kind of movie that is sort of problematic from the perspective of a b-movie fan. It's actually almost compelling enough to be a real film, and shows some film making skill; but at the same time, the type of thrills one hopes for from a crazy low-grade picture are only there sporadically and in small doses. So it's neither one or the other. But like I said, it would be decent if condensed down to an episode of a sci-fi anthology show. This film doesn't give you a wild ride, it is more something to be hypnotized by on a Sunday afternoon when bombed out on cold remedies and afterwards wonder what the heck it was you just watched. At least enjoy the wallpaper and curtains.

Ghost in the Invisible Bikini 1966 ***

Dir: Don Weis

Stars: Tommy Kirk, Aron Kincaid, Boris Karloff, Nancy Sinatra, Harvey Lembeck, Monstro the Gorilla

This is not the most obscure of films, but in terms of what it provides for bizarre enjoyment, it's tops. This is considered one of the AIP "beach" films, but it's missing several ingredients - there's no Frankie, no Annette, and no beach. But it compensates, does it ever, with Boris Karloff, Basil Rathbone, and a haunted house, just for starters. Not an awful lot of movies have scenes of biker gangs, go-go bikini dancing, ghosts, gorillas, dungeons and wax statues, but this one does, and more.

The main plot involves Karloff as elderly Hiram Stokely discovering he is dead and that he has to do a good deed or he goes to the bad place. So he oversees a weekend get together of relatives to make sure the inheritance goes to the right place. One thing leads to another and soon groups of teens are doing the monkey and every other current dance out by the swimming pool, to the swinging sounds of Nancy Sinatra and the Bobby Fuller Four. The song performed there, "Geronimo", is probably the best song in the picture, per se, but a couple of the other songs are well worth it due simply to their strange incongruity. For instance, at one point baddie Basil's daughter, the shapely Sinestra, is supposed to use her feminine wiles to fool heir Kincaid into drinking some poison. Only trouble is, gee whiz, Sin loses her glasses and ends up singing her song to a suit of armour, shimmying nicely all the while.

A circus caravan with a gorilla shows up, and then Eric Von Zipper and his bikers as well, and soon all sorts of hallway hijinks are taking place in the mansion as secret passageways are uncovered. Everyone winds up in the secret dungeon where, after some Perils of Pauline action with a mill saw - in which a young heiress is nearly cut off from the will, as it were - all is well and the youngsters start a kah-razy dance party in the dungeon. Oh, yeah, and all the while the former Mrs. Stokely, who died many years ago, is appearing as a ghost in an invisible bikini.

This is no masterwork of acting, and there are practically no close-ups, except on Boris, with many extended stationary longshots. But the flick is definitely groovy fun.

Bloody Pit of Horror aka Il Boia Scarlatto 1965 ***1/2

Dir: Massimo Pupillo aka Max Hunter Stars: Mickey Hargitay, Walter Brandt, Louise Barrett, various henchmen in striped shirts


I believe this Italian-made film is a cult classic that is gathering steam, as every few years I google it for one reason or another and the number of hits has increased exponentially. It is simultaneously highly campy and rather brilliant, and features a plot structure that would be often repeated in later years, in a general sense, as a group of travelers has to stop at a creepy-looking domicile which at first seems benevolent until they are picked off one by one. In this film, each murder is uniquely creative, and they are exacted by Hungarian muscleman Mickey Hargitay. Hargitay, as many will know, was the husband of Jayne Mansfield and would later be portrayed, in a made for TV movie, by Arnold, with Loni Anderson as Jayne. Their marriage produced the lovely Mariska Hargitay, a bit of a horror veteran herself, having appeared in the first Ghoulies, and now appearing in Law & Order: SVU.


From the promise that this movie was filmed in "Psychovision" we know we are in for a good B-time. After a triumphantly cardboard opening in which we are told about the execution of the original Crimson Executioner, for abhorrent and sadistic crimes, the narrative shifts to modern times (aka the sixties) as a group of sexy models with big hair have been brought to an obscure castle, which they and their male companions have just happened upon while looking for unique places to shoot photos. At first the castle seems deserted, but they soon are waylaid by grim guards wearing striped shirts, the henchman of Hargitay's eccentric recluse. After some stirring melodrama the models and photogs are reluctantly given permission to spend the night at the castle with the promise that they don't go to the dungeon to shoot their photos. Naturally all and sundry make a beeline to the dungeon, since rules are made to be broken. What they haven't anticipated is that their host feels the same way about people, as he is beginning to identify more and more with the sadistic Crimson Executioner who was executed in this very castle.

Hargitay dons a Crimson Executioner outfit and begins to caper about, criticizing mankind for its "lechery" and "sordidness" and its constant attempts to corrupt his perfect body. We've all felt the same way at one time or another, but while most settle for ranting to strangers on the bus, Crim takes it all a little too far as he begins to pick off the guests in unique and sadistic ways, finally getting them all chained up in the dungeon and really having some fun, especially with the scantily clad female models. All for the sake of punishing them for their lack of moral purity, of course.

At least since the time of Vico, the Italians have been ahead of the curve on Western Civilization's descent into depravity and barbarism. This movie is a nice tribute to all the forces of the eventual decline, and has a lot of fun with it. As Super Nintendo Chalmers once said, it's one hell of a toboggan ride. The film itself is ahead of the curve for a lot of seventies stuff like Scooby-Doo, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and various stories in Warren comic magazines. Also noteworthy is the score, which has some great eerie music with Star Trek-style soaring vocals.

The Devil's Bride aka The Devil Rides Out 1968 ***

Director: Terence Fisher

Stars: Christopher Lee, Charles Gray, Nike Arrighi

Just to get this out of the way first, if you watch the film you will get see the things on the poster, and more. There is a man with a goat head, there is a giant spider, there is an Angel of Death with a skull face - riding a horse with bat wings! And even more creepy stuff. I generally enjoy any film I watch from Hammer Studios but this is one that really delivers. For one thing, as opposed to many films where Christopher Lee appears only a few times and speaks little or not at all, he's in almost every scene of this movie and has many lines that would make effective sound bites in a Rob Zombie song. It is unique in that Lee plays the hero of the film, for once trying to work against Satan, and manages this with conviction. The villain of the piece is portrayed by Charles Gray, whom many will recall as Blofeld in Diamonds are Forever, or as the Criminologist in Rocky Horror Picture Show ("It's just a jump to the left!"). Gray is trying to raise the devil and nearly succeeds except for the interference of that snooping Christopher Lee and his own version of the Scooby-Doo gang.

The movie doesn't just hint at certain dangers, it actually depicts them, which makes for some fun visuals and genuinely scary scenes. Though I often also enjoy a good use of power of suggestion, as say in the original Night of the Living Dead, where half the time we are just shown people arguing in a house, but it's what they are arguing about that creeps us out. And speaking of the original Night of..., tonight is the triumphant return of Elvira's Movie Macabre to local stations in the U.S. and the Romero classic is slated at the inaugural flick. I live in Canada unfortunately, so will have to miss out because none of our U.S. affiliates are carrying it. Well, I'll still be flipping through channels later hoping I missed something in my research.

Brides of Blood 1968 ***

Dir: Gerarde DeLeon & Eddie Romero

Stars: Kent Taylor, John Ashley, Beverly Hills, Eva Darren, Mario Montenegro

Virgin sacrifice, a busty blonde, a monster, island rituals, bloodthirsty mutant trees, and lots of midgets. Combines elements of King Kong, Forbidden Planet, and The Incredible Hulk. A scientist, his young assistant, and his free-livin’ wife arrive at an island in the Philippines to look at effects of atomic tests that took place in the area years earlier. They discover that the islanders have slidden back into primitive ways, and that virgins are regularly sacrificed to a mysterious creature in order to placate it. They meet Esteban, who seems like the only civilized person on the island, and who offers them hospitality. Hills’ sex appeal is slowly uncovered as the film goes on, as opposed to having her in skimpy outfits from the get-go, which is unique. The monster is wonderfully bizarre looking, definitely a throwback to the old fifties creatures. As eerie and evocative as it gets, with a tribal chant repeated throughout to great unnerving effect.

Kong Island 1968 ** 3/4

Dir: Robert Morris aka Roberto Mauri

Stars: Marc Lawrence, Brad Harris, Esmeralda Barros, Adriana Alban, Ursula Davis

This Italian movie is also known as King of Kong Island, but don't let either title fool you, the apes in this are all regular sized. But gorillas are gorillas, and I'm a sucker for any movie with gorillas, especially if they are portrayed by people in gorilla costumes, and especially if, as in this movie, they are remote controlled by a mad scientist. The Leonard Maltin Movie Guide says this movie is "not even good for laughs". I beg to differ, but that could be because I find amusement in the concept of a mad scientist named Albert plotting to somehow control the world with an army of mind controlled gorillas in Africa. There are, admittedly, a lot of scenes where the film drags, as people walk endlessly through the jungle, but there's a lot to recommend it, as there is a jungle girl, referred to as "The Sacred Monkey", and a kind of fun dancing/club scene, as well as just a bizarre, twisted plot. One highlight includes the gorillas invading a camp and kidnapping the breathtaking Ursula Davis, also seen in Crypt of the Vampire and An Angel for Satan; she's one of my favourite Eurohorror beauties, seeming to always play the "good girl".

The last twenty or so minutes are especially good, as everything comes to a head and there is one fight after another in the lab/cave hideout of Albert; man versus man, woman versus woman, mad scientist versus gorilla. I must also admit I like this movie because it seems like something I may have caught part of on TV when I was a kid and been forever baffled and intrigued. I'm not sure if I really did, but it has that sort of strange evocative feel for me, between the nonstop muzak soundtrack and the blurry, otherworldly visuals. It puts me into a good b-movie trance, what can I say. That's what I look for.

Monsters Crash the Pajama Party 1965 ***1/2

Dir: David L. Hewitt

Stars: Vic McGee, Peter James Noto, James Reason

Perhaps the greatest half-hour absurdist saga of all time. It's amazing how much insanity is packed into the short running time of this oddity, which was originally presented with live actors participating so it would seem as if things were coming out of the screen at you. When watched as is, this makes it all the more surreal and disjointed. This is available from Something Weird Video, packaged with a bunch of other curiosities, including the Richard Carlson ghost noir, Tormented, of which I was very glad because my own copy of that stopped working half way through. The main feature has just about everything I look for in a b-movie, so much I'm sure I will run out of space for the labels as it only allows 200 characters, so I will have to choose the most prominent aspects.

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster 1965 ***1/2

Director: Robert Gaffney

Stars: Marilyn Hanold, James Karan, Lou Cutell, Nancy Marshall

Lest there be any confusion, the stars system on this blog is out of four, and is rated not on how fine a movie is but on how much I enjoyed it for it's off-kilter thrills and weirdness, though of course that's what makes a fine B. The title of this one tells us the plot, except it's really not Dr. Frankenstein's monster per se but an android built for space travel who crashes in his ship, onto earth, appears to be fine, but runs amok after being zapped by the ray gun of a spaceman henchman of Nadir and Princess Marcuzan. These aliens have landed their flying saucer - made of some kind of metal polygonal structure with a tin skirt attached - in order to kidnap bikini girls for their breeding program. For some reason they have a space monster in a cage on their ship, but who really needs a reason? Lots to recommend this film, almost without a dull moment. Something that stands out about it is the use of stock footage for the earth craft getting ready to take off, because of the use of the song, "That's the Way It's Got To Be" by garage band The Poets, which makes the scene quite striking. Bruce Glover, father of Crispin, plays one of the pointy-eared, baldheaded aliens, as well as the actual monster.

Manos: The Hands of Fate 1966 **1/2

Dir: Harold P. Warren

Stars: Tom Neyman, John Reynolds, Harold P. Warren, Diane Mahree

One of the most polarizing films in b-dom, some b-aficionados consider it too genuinely bad to be a b-classic, others regard it very highly, including one Quentin Tarantino who according to IMDB actually owns an original print of it. It's almost a dead cert that it influenced David Lynch in some way with its long shots, surreal qualities and creepy characters. My own feeling is that it is a b-classic but that unlike say Plan 9, Spider-baby, or Faster Pussycat, is not one that can be watched over and over, at least within a short span. Partly this is due to what makes it so distinct, the very loooong slowly paced scenes, which are kind of mesmerizing in their bizarreness, and may be some unintentional realism you don't see in most movies, in the sense that life often happens at a slow pace. I seem to remember that Hitchcock once said something about how melodrama is life with the boring parts taken out...by which definition Manos may not be melodrama, but it is a distinct work, and how many things can you say that about?

Some performances deserve credit. Tom Neyman plays the "Master", and is quite genuinely intimidating with his glaring eyes and his scowl. He is a cult leader who has a whole bevy of wives who go into some kind of trance or standing coma during the day time. One of the things that is most made fun of in the film is how strange the speech of the wives is, as when one is discussing the fate of some intruders into their secret hideaway and first wants to spare the woman, then in the next sentence declares that they all must die. But I rather think that, while it may be due more to ineptness than design in the writing, it actually reflects the off-kilter mental state of thralls of a cult, so is actually more convincing than if everything they said was consistent.

Probably by now the films most famous element is the unforgettable character Torgo, portrayed by John Reynolds in a reported drug induced stupor. His uneven way of phrasing such lines as "The master would not approve" have become iconic. Reynolds sadly died shortly after the shoot, so it is nice he has achieved some immortality as a subject of - if I can juxtapose these words - fond derision.

Dracula: A.D. 1972 ***

Dir: Alan Gibson
Hammer Studios, 1972
Stars: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Stephanie Beacham, Christopher Neame

Probably unintentionally, but who is to say, this film seems to symbolize the death of "swinging London" and has a lot of fun doing it. Part of the fun is Peter Cushing as a very visceral version of two different Van Helsings. Stephanie Beacham is his lovely and groovy granddaughter, one of a group of young mods who get their kicks from disrupting snooty parties. When that proves not enough, their de facto leader Johnny Alucard, who at once channels Alex of Clockwork Orange and prophesies Sting and Billy Corgan, and who presumably has some charismatic appeal to his mates, decides the next step is Satanic rituals. In Hammer films, Dracula and Satan are inextricably linked, even interchangeable.

They raise Drac from the dead. Drac decides to get revenge on his archenemy Van Helsing's progeny, "kneel before Zod" style, by having Van H.'s youngest descendent Jessica dress in a revealing white dress and lie on an altar, but not before first practicing on her lovely friend portrayed by Caroline Munro. This flick is fun and action packed, with much groovy scenery and costumes. Another trademark "less is more" performance by Lee and his booming voice. Only disappointment for me is the gorgeous Caroline Munro being disposed of pretty quickly and not become a seductive vamp girl as I'd hoped. As in The Spy Who Loved Me, she seems to meet her fate too soon.