Bloody Pit of Horror aka Il Boia Scarlatto 1965 ***1/2

Dir: Massimo Pupillo aka Max Hunter Stars: Mickey Hargitay, Walter Brandt, Louise Barrett, various henchmen in striped shirts


I believe this Italian-made film is a cult classic that is gathering steam, as every few years I google it for one reason or another and the number of hits has increased exponentially. It is simultaneously highly campy and rather brilliant, and features a plot structure that would be often repeated in later years, in a general sense, as a group of travelers has to stop at a creepy-looking domicile which at first seems benevolent until they are picked off one by one. In this film, each murder is uniquely creative, and they are exacted by Hungarian muscleman Mickey Hargitay. Hargitay, as many will know, was the husband of Jayne Mansfield and would later be portrayed, in a made for TV movie, by Arnold, with Loni Anderson as Jayne. Their marriage produced the lovely Mariska Hargitay, a bit of a horror veteran herself, having appeared in the first Ghoulies, and now appearing in Law & Order: SVU.


From the promise that this movie was filmed in "Psychovision" we know we are in for a good B-time. After a triumphantly cardboard opening in which we are told about the execution of the original Crimson Executioner, for abhorrent and sadistic crimes, the narrative shifts to modern times (aka the sixties) as a group of sexy models with big hair have been brought to an obscure castle, which they and their male companions have just happened upon while looking for unique places to shoot photos. At first the castle seems deserted, but they soon are waylaid by grim guards wearing striped shirts, the henchman of Hargitay's eccentric recluse. After some stirring melodrama the models and photogs are reluctantly given permission to spend the night at the castle with the promise that they don't go to the dungeon to shoot their photos. Naturally all and sundry make a beeline to the dungeon, since rules are made to be broken. What they haven't anticipated is that their host feels the same way about people, as he is beginning to identify more and more with the sadistic Crimson Executioner who was executed in this very castle.

Hargitay dons a Crimson Executioner outfit and begins to caper about, criticizing mankind for its "lechery" and "sordidness" and its constant attempts to corrupt his perfect body. We've all felt the same way at one time or another, but while most settle for ranting to strangers on the bus, Crim takes it all a little too far as he begins to pick off the guests in unique and sadistic ways, finally getting them all chained up in the dungeon and really having some fun, especially with the scantily clad female models. All for the sake of punishing them for their lack of moral purity, of course.

At least since the time of Vico, the Italians have been ahead of the curve on Western Civilization's descent into depravity and barbarism. This movie is a nice tribute to all the forces of the eventual decline, and has a lot of fun with it. As Super Nintendo Chalmers once said, it's one hell of a toboggan ride. The film itself is ahead of the curve for a lot of seventies stuff like Scooby-Doo, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and various stories in Warren comic magazines. Also noteworthy is the score, which has some great eerie music with Star Trek-style soaring vocals.

Return of the Swamp Thing 1989 ***

Dir: Jim Wynorski
Stars: Louis Jourdan, Heather Locklear, Sarah Douglas, Dick Durock

I can remember as a youngster videotaping this from late night cable and watching it over and over again, not exactly knowing what it was I was looking at. I was young and naive enough to think that, extracting the more fantastical elements, perhaps somewhere in the world people actually behaved like the people in the movie. Watching it again now, I realize what a good time the performers were having and how seriously it wasn't being taken. This a well-balanced monster comedy with many riotous elements such as bantering backwoods scumbags and porn-loving kids. At the same time, the filmmakers wisely never let the creature himself lose his dignity. There are some very capable moments of light horror film making, as an establishing shot of rained out trailer park that reminded me of an old EC Comics horror cover, appropriately enough, for surely Swamp Thing's comic book ancestors lurked in the pages of those classic Gaines stories.

This continues from the more grainy theatrical original that starred Adrienne Barbeau, but this one takes the mickey out of the concept while paying tribute to old fifties monster films like The Fly, as we are escorted early on through a mad scientist lab full of nicely made-up mutant freaks. Jourdan plays a slightly lascivious but nevertheless likable villain in Arcane, showing only a slight flagging in his enthusiasm for the part from the original film. There is even a great scene where he is shown, Captain Nemo-like, maniacally playing organ. The gorgeous Sarah Douglas plays her part as his assistant with great panache, and all his underlings are worth watching. Dick Durock as the creature, despite working in a deliberate farce - though with a more elaborate make-up job than the first time - creates a monster hero that is genuinely sympathetic and noble, inviting comparisons to the Toxic Avenger and Lou Ferrigno's Hulk.

But the film belongs to Heather Locklear. Her presence drives the plot, and she has many good lines - "I just love it when guys peel out!" As perhaps the most prominent in a generation of smart blondes, she makes it work as well as it does. It's a hilarious romp with genuine heart, and the entertainment never lets up.

Weng Weng For Your Height Only 1981 ***

Directed by: Eddie Nicart

Stars: Weng Weng, Max Alvareado, Mike Cohen

Never mind what the poster says, in the version I watched this diminutive superspy is usually called Agent Double O. He's irresistible to the ladies and he uses his small size to his advantage in hand to hand combat, swinging on a rifle that a thug's holding in order to kick that same thug in the face, for instance. I quote from some of the notes by Ian Jane on the Filipino phenom, contained in the "Appreciation" section of the DVD:

"A role model to all of us, his adventures prove that the human spirit can overcome any obstacle that gets in your way, and if you can't, a swift punch to the balls goes a long way..."

Even without its unusual hero and unique fight scenes, this would be a fairly surreal foreign action film. The overdubbing is a lot of fun as those responsible have the bad guys speaking in bad Bogie impressions and like forties gangsters, saying things like "poimanently". Lots of flamboyant late seventies attire is another highlight, worn while dancing to a bogus ripoff of "Boogie Wonderland".

Manos: The Hands of Fate 1966 **1/2

Dir: Harold P. Warren

Stars: Tom Neyman, John Reynolds, Harold P. Warren, Diane Mahree

One of the most polarizing films in b-dom, some b-aficionados consider it too genuinely bad to be a b-classic, others regard it very highly, including one Quentin Tarantino who according to IMDB actually owns an original print of it. It's almost a dead cert that it influenced David Lynch in some way with its long shots, surreal qualities and creepy characters. My own feeling is that it is a b-classic but that unlike say Plan 9, Spider-baby, or Faster Pussycat, is not one that can be watched over and over, at least within a short span. Partly this is due to what makes it so distinct, the very loooong slowly paced scenes, which are kind of mesmerizing in their bizarreness, and may be some unintentional realism you don't see in most movies, in the sense that life often happens at a slow pace. I seem to remember that Hitchcock once said something about how melodrama is life with the boring parts taken out...by which definition Manos may not be melodrama, but it is a distinct work, and how many things can you say that about?

Some performances deserve credit. Tom Neyman plays the "Master", and is quite genuinely intimidating with his glaring eyes and his scowl. He is a cult leader who has a whole bevy of wives who go into some kind of trance or standing coma during the day time. One of the things that is most made fun of in the film is how strange the speech of the wives is, as when one is discussing the fate of some intruders into their secret hideaway and first wants to spare the woman, then in the next sentence declares that they all must die. But I rather think that, while it may be due more to ineptness than design in the writing, it actually reflects the off-kilter mental state of thralls of a cult, so is actually more convincing than if everything they said was consistent.

Probably by now the films most famous element is the unforgettable character Torgo, portrayed by John Reynolds in a reported drug induced stupor. His uneven way of phrasing such lines as "The master would not approve" have become iconic. Reynolds sadly died shortly after the shoot, so it is nice he has achieved some immortality as a subject of - if I can juxtapose these words - fond derision.

The Curious Dr. Humpp aka La Venganza Del Sexo 1967 ***

Dir: Emilio Vieyra
Stars: Gloria Prat, Richard Bauleo, Aldo Barbero, Hippies, Lesbians
A line from this movie, “Use my body to keep you alive,” prefaces the Rob Zombie song “Never Gonna Stop Me.” Print watched was the later, Americanized version where more overt sexual scenes were spliced in. Plot involves a grim-faced scientist kidnapping randy young people to copulate, which somehow provides him with a serum to keep him young forever. A talking brain in a jar is in league with him (reminiscent of Krang and Shredder on TMNT, retroactively), and his beautiful assistant pines for him. He tells her that her body is his to use as he pleases. Contains some genuinely weird scenes and moody, dark cinematrography. The charmingly unaffected Gloria Prat is the focus of desire for Humpp’s strange creature-ally. Action moves very quickly, as in the first few minutes we see the creature and Humpp’s automaton slaves, who actually look a great deal like the aliens in Killers from Space. Has almost everything you look for in a great B: a mad scientist, a monster, a beautiful girl (well several actually), a talking brain, drug use and murder. The elements gel almost perfectly, and only the overt sexuality becomes a bit of a drawback, as some of the naked scenes, likely not in the original cut, get too long and tedious. For my money the gorgeous and exotic Prat, fully clothed, or at most in a semi sheer nightgown, is much hotter than any nudity. Suggestion is the power of a good B. Or to put it another way, if an exploitation schlock movie is presented as legitimate but has a sexual subtext, that’s more interesting and enticing, and a more telling analog to daily life, than if it’s just a porno with a concept. Also, it’s more fun, and more funny. Otherwise, though - totally a classic. Soundtrack is beautiful, a lot of moody flute helps maintain the nighttime eeriness of many of the shots. Most of Vieyra’s technique is to film outside in the middle of the night with a floodlight, but it works very well for him.

Here's a trailer for a Vieyra movie that I like even better for no sensible reason, called alternately Feast of Flesh. Gloria Prat also appears in this underappreciated classic of eeriness and overdub.